A Trip Down Memory Lane

Dear Journal,

I am not a blogger. Actually, I can't stand blogging. I can't stand the idea of someone else reading my thoughts and critiquing them. Or potentially judging me. I am not a scholar in English and Grammar nor did God did bless me with a writer's ability. What I do have, though, is the desire to journal. After all, that's what I made this thing for any way. Little ole me. OK, actually I wrote it for Gavin and Layla, too. Maybe they will be able to pull from this and see we made the best of life! And if someone reads it and it blesses them, or they can relate to it, then to God be the glory! So here is to me writing, candidly!

I was finally organizing the cabinets in our office today and I came across some sweet memories. I first pulled out a card from when Jeff and I first started dating. In it was a photo from the same time frame. It made me smile. For two reasons. #1. That's where this whole, wonderful life began. Without us meeting, we (our precious family) wouldn't exist.. And #2. We have grown so much spiritually. We had our moments in the relationship that weren't pleasing to the Lord. The bar scene made it's appearance in our early relationship and it's something I regret and wish I could do over. This is where the enemy wants to creep in my head and remind me of how imperfect I was (am). And puts thoughts in my head like 'how could have God used you for the ministry had you not backslid.' But this is also where God lovingly reminds me of His grace and how He used every wrong for the good of His glory! I was raised in church..and just as His Word says....I didn't depart from it!

I then went through some cards and read them. I looked at Gavin's kindergarten year through a binder I made up. That's a whole entry on it's own. I loved his teacher (and still do for she is now a precious friend) and that whole school was a ten month season of love, growth, and maturity. In both mine and Gavin's lives. XOXO.

I found a poem I wrote. Now, I did say God didn't bless me to write. He did give me the love for poetry. I found a poem I wrote from my early 20's. I will have to say that I was pretty impressed. I'll have to add my photo of the poem later. I need to get back to writing. I don't think I am fantastic. But it makes me feel accomplished. Like I just might actually have a gift or a talent.


The last thing I pulled out was a letter from my MeMa. Words don't explain what that woman meant to me. I feel like she was part of me. She was so filled with the Spirit that she knew when I was upset. She would call and say "what's wrong" before I ever said a word. She would pray. Her letters were full of so much joy and faith. It's bc of her (and Jesus, no less) that I accepted and grew in the Lord. She was my covering. She knew my heart like no other. I feel like she and I were made from the same mold. She knew me and I knew her. Reading her letter reminded me of every joyful moment I had with her. I am happy to say,  I never took my time with her for granted. Mostly because I had so much love and respect for my Mema and my Papa that I wanted to soak up every moment with them. I am so thankful for what she poured in to my life. This letter had her "sneaking" money in.  I love how she would always "sneak" money in for me. Oh, I miss her. I need her advice. I need her to see how much I have grown spiritually. She and I could really do some amazing praying now! I can remember hearing her quote God's word over her life when she got sick. And she NEVER said she felt bad with out following it with "but God knows my needs." I need my Mema back in my life. Life is tough. She had four kids with PaPa working the night shift. And here I am trying my best to raise two with Jeff gone so much. I need her encouragement. I know God has placed some amazing people in my life...but it's just different when it's your own flesh and blood. I need to sit up and eat Twinkies at midnight with her. I need to get up and make her cheese and crackers and laugh like two school girls. She was my sounding board, my saving grace, my prayer warrior, my heart. I am so happy I held on those sweet letters so she could continue to encourage me. And I am even happier her spirit lives on. Zack calls me Mema all the time. I take it as the biggest compliment EVER. I love and miss you  Mema!! See you on the other side.


Growing up is tough. You realize how short life is. You realize that your kids grow up WAYYYYY faster than you want them to. You realize that people will disappoint you. You realize money isn't every thing (well, not all of us realize that). Most of all, if you follow the unctions of the Holy Spirit, you realize that making God LORD over your life is life changing. And that my sweet children, is the best memory you will ever make. If you are reading this, I love you ever so much. And I pray you come to know the Lord in such an intimate way that you are so in love with Him.  And I pray you can do better than me and love your Jesus BODLY.

Tonight I close with the appreciation of a trip down memory lane! God Bless!